pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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