So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
