The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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