I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
