Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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