Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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