You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
