Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize