and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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