Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
bring money and cleavage
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize