Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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