im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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