Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
