Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
