So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
