He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No subtext here. People are naked.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
