she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
