Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
