He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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