It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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