You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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