Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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