Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize