the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
