I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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