i would punch a child for taco bell
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
