yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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