how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
