Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
