shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
