My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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