i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
