Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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