I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
