chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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