Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
