sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
