I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Vodka?
Forever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
