i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
