Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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