3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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