I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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