singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
