just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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