HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
