we have pet lesbian snakes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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