I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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