took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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