I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize