I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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