i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
