Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Bring me that man meat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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