cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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