Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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