census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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