Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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