Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
