if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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