jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
