we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
