I heard we made out
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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