Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
